Finding Self Expression
rambles & reflections on developing my creative voice
Hello!
Today’s writing is a text adaptation from my latest video on youtube, sharing thoughts on finding creative self expression & process. I often find it easier to digest things if I read it then listen (or vice versa!). The words accompany a painting session, working into a series of abstract paintings. I’ve documented the journey of these paintings from start to finish, and have popped photos of the finished works at the end of this post. Right now I’m creating a 26 part series of paintings on paper - an alphabet in length - to explore consistencies in my painting practice. I’ve just completed paintings number 18 to 22, out of a 26 part series, so the volume of works is really growing now, and nearly complete!
In the next few paragraphs I’m sharing an outline of a new venture just launched this week around education and community! Feel free to skip past, to the start of the blog, down below.
Exciting launch! - learn with me
This month I’ve been working on planning & creating video tutorials for the launch of my new Patreon tiers. If you’re reading this, then these tiers will now be live to the world! My Patreon is also called the Outdoor Sketchbook Collective - the same name as this substack. I’m building my Patreon (and this substack!) to be a community space for folks that share my loves for nature & creativity. It’s also going to be an online learning space for tutorials and educational content - so if you like the way I work and would love to learn with me, consider checking the new tiers and resources out.
The process of planning these tutorials has really got me thinking about my practice, how I teach, and my creative journey - Although I’ve been teaching for years, teaching online via video is a new format for me, and a challenge I’ve enjoyed tackling for this new setting.
I’ve just released a free tutorial on Patreon to demonstrate how I use mark making for self expression in my practice. And if you join the new tier ‘studio play’, you’ll get access to an even deeper dive into mark making for self expression, exploring how I represent emotion and multi sensory experience symbolically in my work. I’ve created two free tutorials for each of these new Patreon tiers, so you can get a feel for my approach.
To summarise the tiers & benefits of the outdoor sketchbook collective;
My first tier is a simple tip jar. If you’re able and would like to support my practice, this tier helps me with the creation of these videos here on YouTube. You’ll also gain access to the community chat; a place to connect with others in the collective and share your work - this is all done through the patron app.
My second tier is a new tutorial tier. This is where I’ll create and share a PDF written guide monthly.
Finally my third tier holds both a pre-recorded video tutorial and access to a monthly group zoom check in, to connect with each other live, have a coffee and draw together. Of course this one also include access to all of the previous tiers too!
You’ll find more info on these new tiers & benefits over on Patreon, alongside access to the app’s community chat when you join. Click the link on screen too see more.
I’d like to say a big thank you to everyone who’s been supporting my work already here on Youtube, and through my Patreon tips jar - your support, feedback and comments have given me so much confidence to grow this space, and I’m really excited to see how this community develops.
Back to the blog post!
Creating this tutorial for Patreon opened up a whole stream of ideas around my practice, and has got me questioning how I express myself - how I’ve reached a place, where I can use my art as a quietly confident mode of self expression. This is of course such a huge topic to cover in just one video and blog post, but here’s where my thoughts are just now.
So, let’s get into it! It probably makes sense to start at the beginning - how and why I got into painting in the first place! I thinking understanding this why, has helped to know how to shape my practice - what I need from it, and in turn the tone that my work would take.
How & Why I got into painting
I first got into painting when I was studying a degree at art school. As a caveat, I don’t think art school or university is an essential ingredient in finding your own creative voice - I certainly found mine in the years after. When I started, I was feeling the usual lost early twenties feelings, trying to figure out who I was as a person and all the rest of it. Growing up, outdoors and nature was always a big part of my life. My first camping trip was at 4 months old in minus celsius temperatures, so needless to say it’s not that surprising that I’d have a strong affinity with the outdoors as an adult. I started painting during my degree, as a way to create textile designs. University offered a space for open exploration, and I quickly got hooked on mixed media processes. On our personal projects I’d find ways of linking my work to trips I had in the mountains at weekends, and the rest is history. Blending the two things I loved most - being outside and creating art - was the only way I could get my mind to go quiet - I was hooked!
When I paint in a flow state, everything else disappears. Between the creative process and time outside, I knew I wanted to use my art to capture that feeling of inner quiet, and all the other beautiful experiences like play, exploration and awe that being outside offers. I always knew I wanted to chase these feelings, and use my art to create more of this for the world - hopefully sharing these emotive experiences with other people too.
Of course it’s never plain sailing, and there are so many learning points to work through to get to the heart of your own creative expression - it’s also never a destination, as we aren’t stationary by nature. Once we think we’ve got it, there there’s a new point to learn, so I think accepting that goes a long way to staying relaxed and open to change.
Changing styles & dealing with expectations
Speaking of change, my work has moved and shifted so much, and I think there can be so much fear around this - a pressure to find one style or subject and stick at it. Like anything, it’s a balance, and depends where you are at in your practice. Sometimes saying not right now to all the external ideas, picking one thought and committing for a while is the way to go. Other times, you need to try all the mediums, approaches and just go wild. It’s so individual to each person, this question of consistency vs experimentation, so I’m going to stick to mining and sharing my own experience.
When I started painting, I felt this pressure to create what I call ‘painting paintings’. Things that look like the place, that other people could recognise and connect to. I’m so glad I did this, as it taught me the basic rules and skills of painting - perspective, colour etc etc. After a while, I did feel trapped, because I knew I was making this type of work out of fear of people not ‘getting’ the work I really wanted to make. At this point, I didn’t know what ‘my’ art really was - it’d take another four years till I’d figure that one out - and you could say that’s a life’s work. Anyhow, I was definitely making work that I felt was serious artist paintings, and would in turn allow me the title of artist that I was so scared but excited to don.
an earlier painting I still very much love - learning about light, colour & texture
My main take away from this has been that I’m doing myself a disservice if I don’t try to create the work that is authentic to me. What’s the point in creating work that doesn’t fill me up, and that instead serves imaginary expectations over my own enjoyment? I realised - and still have to remind myself - that making work in ways or styles because of preconceived ideas of status, confirmation or acceptance would do myself and others a disservice in the long run. We only have so much time, so why waste a minute! From following my own voice and making the work I’m fearful others would find odd or weird, I’ve ended up finding my groove, and somewhat ironically, ended up making the best work that people seem to be connecting to most. We can tell when something is honest or individual, and really everyone wants the confidence to be themselves. If folks don’t connect with it, then they weren’t your audience in the first place.
Practice
Hundreds upon hundreds of paintings later, and after years of working hard at it, I finally know myself better. A lot of developing my self expression has come down to this personal understanding. That’s not to say you can’t make art if you don’t know yourself - the process of making art has been the very vehicle for me, to understanding myself better - it’s a funny ol cycle!
For instance, I now know I work in creative cycles, and need rest periods away from the studio. I know I have a tendency to have so many ideas I overwhelm myself. I want to learn and try everything. I also know I want to have a distinct style and voice, and for my work to express myself as a person - this has been such burning desire for years! However, I’ve learnt that I don’t need my art to express every part of me, every emotion or experience - that’s not my reason for making. I’ve learnt to give myself experimental projects where I can let my ideas run amok - these satisfy the part of my brain that want’s to do everything! And following, how to balance these wild projects with self directed constraints, and staying committed to the core principles of my practice. Sometimes the means letting inspiration from other artists and experiences in, and other times it means shutting everything else out, and concentrate on what’s happening in my own inner world.
Consciously knowing why I want to create my work, how I want to feel when creating it, the level or standard I want my work to be at, and the subject and focus of my practice has really been a bit of a magic key to bringing things together in my mind. When I knew the message behind my work, I took a big step forwards in having control over how I express myself in my paintings.
A piece from 2023 - ‘Patchwork Fields’
Just getting on with it
Thank you to my community on YouTube for answering my polls on this weeks video topic! There’s been some conversation in the chat there around just getting on with it - and I feel you, trust me. There’s making time for inspiration, and making time to just work through it. It might not feel great to have to go through rather than around, there’s really no short cut to finding your own way of self expression - art is the same as any skill; we can all develop our creative muscle and strengthen our practice if we commit to exercising it regularly. This idea of people being gifted is only true to an extent - with thousands of hours, most people can do something well, which I find some relief in.
On the ‘just getting on with it’ notion, I wanted to tune back in to reflect on the works I’ve most recently painted. I started this series of work to explore consistency, and see what repetitions came from my work when creating at a larger volume. It’s been such an interesting project to analyse - a bit of a battle between experimentation and repetition. Committing to painting - and filming - each of these studio sessions for the duration of the project has been a really interesting exercise, and I feel it’s helped me learn more about my own creative voice and practice as a result.
Committing to a studio schedule
This repetition on working solidly on one project and filming every part of it, has been a bit of an eye opener for me. In general, I’m pretty good at getting myself to paint on a regular basis in the studio - however I usually only paint when I’m in the right frame of mind. I also manage several types of projects across the different fields I work in, so my painting time hasn’t been very regulated to specific times. With the autumn daylight changing and personal deadlines to share these videos weekly, I’ve been painting at far more regular times of day as a result. If I can be honest with you, it’s meant showing up to the brushes and practice when I’m not in the mood. When I’ve been grumpy, or stressed with other life things going on in my head. This session was no different - I was feeling full grump mode - and for no real reason either.
It’s amazing the resistance we can put up for something that’s meant to be fun! I’ve got to say that pushing through felt really rewarding in the end in this group of works - and made the final results feel even sweeter, knowing I’d managed to overcome that headspace, and linking the end results at the same time! Regardless of the outcome, showing up is probably the key to developing the creative voice - after all, we can’t answer these questions and get to know ourselves if we don’t make time to do the work.
Self Referencing
A process I use very often in my practice to help me figure out my own voice, and know if I’m on track to self expression, is to reference my own work. By this, I mean being inspired by past paintings. Taking time to look back on older works, and seeing what lights me up about them. I know I’ve found something in a piece when I get excited - this might be by a new colour combination or composition - and it might be something tiny like a 1cm area that just sits right. I love making note of these areas and moments, and taking these ideas forwards, playing with scale and blowing it up into new paintings.
It’s something I’ve been doing lots of in this current series of works; referencing works from the previous studio session, and taking forward motifs, patterns and feelings to inform my next paintings. In this way, I’m learning what elements of visual language within my own work resonate with me most, and seeing if a) I can replicate these moments - a skill in itself - and b) question if they work in new settings. Seeing the things that strike a chord, and realising why they hit home always help me to understand what I’m looking to express in my work going forwards.
Research
I can’t understate how important the research process is to my work. I think I could probably spend 90% of my time working dedicated to researching, sketching, reading, travelling, writing and thinking - probably not a surprise given how much I’ve rambled today! All of this comes back to the need to have a rich pool of inspiration to reference. My work is informed by my own experiences and feelings of the world as I experience it. I don’t know how it is to be anyone else, and so I explore what I know, in myself. This research is vital to expressing myself, because its these processes and ways of documentation that teach me and inform me of my own inner world. It’s personal experience and reference that helps make personal work in my own style and voice, and guides me back to myself when I’m being overly inspired by any external visual source - which can be easy to do given the nature of instagram and other social medias.
If you’ve made it this far into the post, congratulations and thank you for reading! I hope this ramble on creative practice and self expression has resonated with you, and perhaps gives you a line of thought to play with in your next creative session. If anything here connects with you or a project you’re working on, let me know in the comments below, I always love hearing about what other people are up to or thinking about!
What these works are about
With only four more works left to paint to complete the series of work, I’m getting pretty excited to see the full collection emerge in the next week or two. If you don’t know, this series is informed by a word I associate with the Outdoors. One word per letter of the alphabet, running A - Z. It’s these words that I take, and either keep how they are, or expand them into full phrases, to describe a thought, memory or experience I have or associate with the outdoors. The works I’ve been creating today span the letters R-V. The words I chose to inspire these paintings are: River, Space, Trees, Underwater and Vastness.
Some of them I expanded into full phrases, which are:
River: As the river flows
Space: Making space for the right things
Trees: The interconnectedness of trees
Underwater: Underwater worlds
&
Vastness - which simply stayed as it is.
I’ve been using words and phrases to direct my paintings for the last few months, and I can’t say I’ve tired of it yet. It’s helped me blend my experience with my imagination, and tap into more emotive focuses within the paintings.
If you’d like to watch the process of these paintings being created, check out the full video here.
Thanks so much for reading along,
See you outside,
Orla ☀️
